Music rss

Title Genre Released Plays
For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her – Simon & Garfunkel Rock May 26, 2009 397
"I" #1 Other May 29, 2009 192
Aesthetic provocative Fundamental #4 Explicit Other Aug 2, 2009 154
Aesthetic Provocative Fundamental #1 Jazz Jul 30, 2009 144
Aesthetic provocative Fundamental #2 Jazz Jul 30, 2009 131
Aesthetic provocative Fundamental #3 Jazz Aug 1, 2009 147
AFTERMATH #1 REMIX.. OF: PINNHEAD: HEll BENT FOR LEATHA.... ( Not a Priest remake) Collab Metal Mar 21, 2009 358
America in March.... Explicit Other Jan 29, 2010 120
Ancient Man Series: Haiku-Kyoto Number 12 World Jul 19, 2008 725
Ancient Man Series: Dance of the Kung Bushman World Jul 25, 2008 631
ANDROID Collab Electronica Jan 6, 2009 287
Angels Jazz Jun 10, 2009 243
ANTARES---Composition for Strings Classical Jun 19, 2007 873
ANTHRO SERIES: STORM OF THE BOOMERANG New Age May 29, 2007 651
ANTHRO SERIES: BALOON RIDE TO TOPANGEE..!!! World May 30, 2007 599
Asteroid: #1 Solar System.. Other Jun 22, 2009 201
Asteroid: #2 Ice and Dust Other Jun 22, 2009 177
Asteroid: #3 10 miles across Spoken Word Jun 23, 2009 265
B-FOR 1-5 Collab Ambient Jan 22, 2009 315
Beginning Singing Series: Blues- House of Love..... Blues Jul 27, 2008 617
behind the iron curtain... New Age May 7, 2009 286
BIOCELLS DILEMMA REVISITED. Spoken Word Jun 22, 2007 458
Blue CLay #1 Explicit Spoken Word Jul 10, 2009 167
Blue Clay #2 Dont make love to me; Make love to me.. Other Jul 10, 2009 178
BLUE CLAY #3 Other Jul 10, 2009 151
BLUE EARTH World May 22, 2007 665
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 10: The TrAil AnD The WooDMan Other Feb 2, 2009 291
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 11: The Pink Trail CONTINUES World Feb 6, 2009 258
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 12: The GIANT METRONOME Other Feb 6, 2009 310
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 13: The Time KeePer Explicit Ambient Feb 13, 2009 424
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 14: Ailla-Gumba.. ONE MORE DAY..... Jazz Feb 19, 2009 327
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 15: THE NIGHT OF THE CHILDREN New Age Feb 21, 2009 272
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 16: Reguulla The Vampire Classical Feb 26, 2009 232
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 1: GREEn WITCH HUT Classical Jan 16, 2009 384
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 4: THE WIZARD AND THE OLD LAKE Classical Jan 18, 2009 431
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 5: THE STONE PEOPLE OF THE WATER World Jan 18, 2009 324
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 6: THE UNDERWATER CITY World Jan 21, 2009 491
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 7: The Brass Jar and the Coral Fish New Age Jan 22, 2009 414
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 8: THe StOry UnFolDs ..(Will I Find Her) New Age Jan 23, 2009 288
BOOK OF NAIVETY: VALUME 9: ONE FOOT ON THE SHORE Ambient Jan 24, 2009 356
BOOk Of NAiVETY: VOLUME 2: THE PINK PATH Other Jan 16, 2009 226
BOOK OF NIAVITY: VOLUME 3: STRANGE TREES Classical Jan 17, 2009 2655
BOUNCE Electronica May 20, 2009 197
BRICK-DADDY-- Poems from the street #1 Explicit Hip Hop/Rap May 17, 2009 273
COlor Mind: Pop etude #2 Explicit Alternative Jan 20, 2010 141
Composition for opposing ants Other Jan 10, 2009 252
CONVERSATIONS WITH MANDIKA: THE COLLIDING OF INSURGENT ParticleS Collab Spoken Word Mar 4, 2009 255
Conversations with Mandika: #1 Shippin Jump-My soul is my Temple.. Collab Spoken Word Feb 25, 2009 313
Counterpoint in 20 measures #1 Classical Feb 25, 2009 322
Counterpoint #6 Classical Apr 8, 2009 265
COunterpoint 10 9/11 #1 Explicit Other May 11, 2009 215
Counterpoint in 20 measures #2 Classical Mar 12, 2009 235
Counterpoint in 20 measures #3 Classical Mar 13, 2009 289
Counterpoint in 20 measures #4 Classical Mar 15, 2009 278
COunterpoint with singing... #5 Classical Apr 6, 2009 275
CP7 Classical Apr 9, 2009 311
CP8 OR--- COunterpoint #8 Classical Apr 27, 2009 328
CP9 Classical Apr 30, 2009 213
CREATIVE SERIES -#2 Amanderon Jazz Jan 25, 2008 508
CREATIVE SERIES -#1 Disco Man Jazz Jan 18, 2008 516
DAFC #1 Other May 10, 2009 200
DAFC #2 Other May 10, 2009 180
Dance Art #1 --- Conors Lighthouse Collab Dance Feb 7, 2010 221
Disintegrating Numbers Classical Jan 2, 2009 311
DREAM Collab Jazz Jan 10, 2009 355
DRESDEN Collab Other Aug 1, 2008 388
Elves Explicit Other Feb 1, 2010 76
Flash Fiction Concrete 900 TREES: Main Theme Other Aug 6, 2009 303
Flash Fiction Concrete 900 Trees: Why did you leave me..!! Pop Aug 4, 2009 282
Flash Fiction Concrete 900 trees: Prelog #3: THE RESURRECTION OF MOMOKO.. Classical Jul 9, 2008 424
Flash Fiction Concrete 900 Trees; Prelog #2 : The Awareness of Momoko.. Spoken Word May 18, 2008 524
Flash Fiction Concrete: 900 Trees. Prelog #1: Nebulatian Illuminata Spoken Word May 12, 2008 421
GT GUITAR SERIES --VROOM-SHAMOO New Age Jun 6, 2007 488
GT GUITAR SERIES: ----- Medatripsicole-Tanicone-Tropical New Age Jun 14, 2007 560
GT GUITAR SERIES: Areishamo World May 29, 2007 544
I DIDNT HAVE THE MONEY Spoken Word Jul 26, 2007 499
Im just confusion in your hand..... Spontaneous Vocal Pop Etude #1 Pop Jan 19, 2010 117
Improv #3 Other Jul 18, 2008 378
Improv: JAzz.... The Rainmakers.... Jazz Jul 11, 2008 358
IMPROVISATION #1 CLASSICAL .... " Autumn Squares" Classical Jul 11, 2008 385
Insert E #1 Jazz Mar 9, 2010 70
Insert E #2 Jazz Mar 11, 2010 82
ISLAND BACH Classical May 14, 2008 432
journey to the Center of a Star... #1 Other Jun 17, 2009 159
Journey to the Center of a Star... #2 experimental Other Jun 17, 2009 157
Journey to the Center of a Star... #3 experimental Other Jun 18, 2009 189
journey to the Center of a Star... #4 THe Journey Begins Classical Jun 19, 2009 200
Journey to the Center of a Star... #5 I believe in you.... Rock Jun 20, 2009 210
Just a touch of aa alien.... Collab Jazz May 28, 2009 239
Left Hand composition study...... #2.. Classical Sep 15, 2008 673
Left Hand composition study...... The awarness factor #1 Spoken Word Aug 17, 2008 407
Let it B #2 Rock Jun 3, 2009 228
MAry Thong #4: I cant remember..! Classical Dec 12, 2009 223
MAry thong #6: Dunes Fynn Explicit Collab Classical Dec 20, 2009 353
MARY THONG #3: The Rats Nest Classical Dec 9, 2009 199
Mary Thong #5 : In the Library Classical Dec 15, 2009 384
Mary THONG #10 : An Abstract... Mary rehearses Hip Hop/Rap Jan 16, 2010 184
MARY THONG #7: Write Me a Poem MARY THONG...... Classical Dec 30, 2009 315
MAry Thong #8: MAry Speaks...... Collab Classical Jan 3, 2010 372
MARY THONG #9 : THe Truth Is Revealed.. Chapter 2 Classical Jan 7, 2010 228
MAry Thong: IS THERE Someone behind you..? #2 Classical Dec 7, 2009 266
Mary Thong; Butterscotch Mary Thong..... #1 Spoken Word Dec 2, 2009 273
MECHANICAL ROBOT Electronica May 25, 2009 366
medieval Orange: #1 Rock May 10, 2009 195
Medieval Orange: #2 Quasimoto-Man Rock May 11, 2009 301
Memories of a Dying Mermaid..... Collab Ambient Feb 4, 2010 197
MONDAY ( On Earth) Jazz Jan 6, 2009 301
MONDAY ( On Mars) Other Jan 7, 2009 227
MoNDAY ( On VeNUS) Other Jan 7, 2009 255
NIGHT AT THE IMPROV: JAZZ # 2 Road Runner Man..... Collab Jazz Jul 23, 2008 578
NIGHT AT THE IMPROV: BEATNIK-- The Depersonalization of Antimatter... Collab Jazz Aug 15, 2008 425
NIGHT AT THE IMPROV: JAZZ #1 Collab Jazz Jul 11, 2008 386
Night At The IMprov: 3.. iziZuluTe Collab Jazz Jul 24, 2008 470
NIKAL World Jan 13, 2009 626
Notation # 3: Stringent light : Particles of a Sonata Classical Dec 26, 2009 277
Notation experimental #1 Other Dec 22, 2009 229
Notation Experimental #2: Gravity-Table Classical Dec 23, 2009 180
Orchestral Sketches #1: The Bending of the 20th Century Classical Sep 22, 2008 386
Orchestral Sketches #2: MAN BORN Classical Oct 1, 2008 360
Patricia Classical Nov 25, 2009 171
PCM CHoiR 1 Classical Nov 6, 2009 276
PIANO-------IMPROV #4 : Blues Babyee.......!!!! Blues Jul 19, 2008 444
PIANO-------When the Sun Falls down.... Classical Jul 12, 2009 230
PIANO------NINA'S Song New Age May 31, 2007 810
PIANO:----- Fusion Charlie Brown........... Jazz Oct 4, 2007 1298
PIANO:----- ANNA'S SONG New Age Jul 10, 2007 1430
PIANO:----- Cassandra's Room New Age Sep 26, 2007 605
PIANO:----- STROLL'N WITH LOLA Jazz Jun 20, 2007 888
PIANO:------INTO THE SUN New Age May 23, 2007 624
PIANO:------THEME AND VARIATIONS #1. Classical Jun 22, 2007 764
PIANO:-----ONE NIGHT AT THE DRAGON-FLY SALOON Jazz Jun 20, 2007 537
PIANO:-----TRISTA-ROLL"... In thirty seconds...-!! Classical Jun 19, 2007 444
Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est. Spoken Word Jul 25, 2009 383
Raspberry Lolly Other Jun 18, 2009 175
REDWOOD TEA......Woodwind comp Classical Jun 22, 2007 529
RESPOND Rock Jun 8, 2009 171
RETURN SERVICE REVISITED Jazz Jun 22, 2007 463
RX 32 XL Folk Jul 24, 2009 242
Search for the Greenish landscape Collab Jazz May 28, 2009 208
Silent Watchman Experiment # 4 The tundra from inside an Orange Collab Ambient Jul 15, 2009 212
Silent Watchman Experiment # 5 Other Jul 21, 2009 121
Silent Watchman Experiment # 6 Other Jul 22, 2009 153
Silent Watchman Experiment # 7; Silent running.... Other Jul 25, 2009 165
Silent watchman experiment #1 Other May 22, 2009 198
silent watchman experiment #2 Other May 23, 2009 249
Silent Watchman Experiment #3 REd Dots.. Collab Ambient Jul 14, 2009 162
Sketch #2 Classical Nov 27, 2009 133
Sketch #3: Experiment #1 Classical Nov 29, 2009 190
Sketch 1 Classical Nov 24, 2009 257
SMASHING PLANETS #1 Ambient Jun 22, 2007 549
SMASHING PLANETS #2 Ambient Jun 22, 2007 440
SONIC 2 Collab Jazz Jan 8, 2009 332
STone Henge New Age Jul 30, 2008 368
STone Henge: the Domain of the Dead New Age Jul 31, 2008 397
Stone Henge: The Sorrow of broken Promises... New Age Aug 3, 2008 439
STONE HENGE: We Must Write on Stone..!! World Aug 15, 2008 636
Stone Henge: The Second circle:.... We Walk- We Prey...!!! New Age Aug 3, 2008 360
STRING & ORGAN COMP:.... THE RISE OF MERCURY Classical Jan 8, 2008 428
Surfacing Other Jun 18, 2009 171
Synthetic-Atmospheres: #1 The Vibrations of disassociated color Classical Oct 7, 2008 500
The boxes of Shane #1 Jazz Jun 9, 2009 189
The Collision of an altered freedom Collab Electronica Sep 5, 2009 397
The Contemplation of Trix Jazz Jul 25, 2008 398
THE DETERMINANCE OF A DICOMPENSATING NATURE Spoken Word Mar 4, 2009 342
THe Electrical Magnetic Field Hypothesis: Electro-flow 1 Other Aug 16, 2008 393
THe Electrical Magnetic Field Hypothesis: Static 1 Other Aug 16, 2008 341
The Electro Magnetic Field Hypothisis: Static 4 Other Sep 14, 2008 356
THe Electro-Magnetic field hypothesis : Static 3 Other Sep 13, 2008 566
The Future is Uncertain... Explicit Spoken Word Mar 17, 2009 283
The GoolaGong Collab New Age Mar 12, 2009 335
THE MENTAL ILLNESS SERIES... #1 : Disturbance.... Other Aug 2, 2008 373
THE Mental Illness Series: Hide..!! HEs coming....!!! Im losing myself...!!! Other Aug 30, 2008 451
The Quest remains... : Pop Etude #3 Other Jan 27, 2010 111
The Sign... Pop Etude #6 Other Feb 6, 2010 115
THE SUBMISSIVENESS OF A COPYCAT... Classical Oct 16, 2009 246
THE-Jungle-Book Spoken Word May 27, 2009 710
THE..,, Would I not.... Bending..!! Collab Jazz Jun 21, 2009 220
Vampires In Recovery: #1 23454345=--3534--345345435= Spoken Word Feb 28, 2009 235
Vampires In Recovery: #2 Coffin Ballerina Other Feb 28, 2009 444
WAKE UP..!! Alternative Jun 9, 2009 149
Watcher of the Valcoron... #3 Telepathy : We have established contact.. Collab Ambient Feb 22, 2009 488
Watcher of the Valcoron: #1 Collab Ambient Feb 12, 2009 380
Watcher of the Valcoron: #2 ICe Walk Collab Ambient Feb 17, 2009 329
WHen The Kites Fly To High......... Collab Ambient Feb 1, 2010 239
Y0-Yo #4 Classical Apr 29, 2009 218
Ya Jazz Jun 9, 2009 161
Yo Yo 10 Other May 9, 2009 175
Yo Yo 6 Alternative May 1, 2009 229
Yo Yo 7 Classical May 1, 2009 238
yo yo 9 Ambient May 7, 2009 310
Yo-Yo #1 Classical Apr 29, 2009 211
Yo-Yo #2 Classical Apr 29, 2009 253
YO-YO #3 Classical Apr 29, 2009 186
Yo-Yo 5 Classical Apr 29, 2009 285
Zoom Basement Tapes: Let it Be Vr: 1 Jazz Apr 8, 2009 332
Zoom H4n Basement tapes: ME AND KEVIN #1 Explicit Spoken Word Mar 26, 2009 244
Zoom H4n Basement tapes: ME AND KEVIN #2 Explicit Spoken Word Mar 27, 2009 286
Zoom H4n Basement tapes: THE PICTURE World Mar 28, 2009 483
Zoom H4n Basement tapes: #1 : Power Forward.. Rock Mar 18, 2009 592
Zoom H4n Basement tapes: #2 Boon Tin Bonn World Mar 20, 2009 391
"I" #2 Electronica May 30, 2009 204

Collaborations

Title Genre Released Plays
ATMOSPHERIC PULSES OF LIGHT, op.4 (v.2.0) Ambient Aug 1, 2007 635
Concept Concert 2# Electronica Nov 18, 2007 621
Smashing Planets (DJP's Version) Jazz Jul 30, 2007 500
Strollin' with Lola (Collab) Blues Jun 15, 2008 433

Blog rss

Silent changes March 11, 2010
In the autumn the leaves float down to a peaceful landing...
Comments (3) | Read more »
GG ALLEN February 16, 2010
Punk Rocker that pushed it passed the edge.. Was he more important then one wants to admit..
Comments (4) | Read more »
TIme again to write on being an artist.... February 9, 2010
The developmental...
Comments (11) | Read more »
Feelings February 3, 2010
Feelings
Comments (5) | Read more »
THe Ted Bundy Chronicles.. Terminated..!!! January 30, 2010
Did not work out... I could not find a suitable medium within the subject matter to work with...
Comments (1) | Read more »
View more entries »

Biography

First... IM LEARNING HOW TO BE AN ARTIST... THAT IS WHAT IM DOING HERE.....

Ive had some tell me.. Why dont you play or create brilliantly... THE ANSWER:

I dont want to.. I am to busy for that.. Their are times I just want to explore.. That is more important.. When I have stopped learning.. When all I can do Is think of the past..., In those times.. I will interpret to the people in a favorable manner... AM I COFFIN ... JUST SITTING IN A MAUSOLEUM TO BE LOOKED AT AND OPENED AT SOMEONE ELSES WHIM.. " I THINK NOT".. DOES A LIVE ANIMAL SPEND ITS TIME INCASED IN THE FROZEN... I THINK NOT... DO EXPLORES LIVE IN KINGS HOUSES... " NO" THEY ARE TO BUSY EXPLORING.. SOMETIMES... ONCE IN A BLUE MOON... THIER IS A TIME AND CALL FOR REPARATIONS OF HISTORICAL FINDINGS>> AND SUCH TIMES NEED TO BE DONE IN A POLITICAL FLASH... TO DASAL... TO BRING THE WIZARDRY TO THE FOREFRONT...!!
IN AN OLD GERMAN MYTH-, ( ONE I JUST MADE UP)...!!

SOMETIMES EVEN THE OLD WIZARD HAD TO EAT.. SO HE HAD TO LOOK FOR FOOD.... HE HAD NO TIME TO " ENTERTAIN THE FANTASIES OF OTHERS WONDERMENT"

(Ok.. Enough of the artistic narcissistic arrogance)

(Back to the real world please... Back down to the ground)
------------------------------

AND WITH THAT.........
Im learning how to go outside again on my bicycle...... That is the next thing Im learning....
How to reach forward.. Not backward .

( To LEARN HOW OT LIVE)..........

-------------------------------------------------------------


The rest of what I write is for myself and for you... IT is the beginning of understandings.. of the narrative of my life...

... with the hopes that it might help others who know of people in trouble... and theirs plenty of people in trouble and quiet desperation... A whole world full.. a whole whirl pool full.....

The general public is " JUST NOT INFORMED ON THE REALITIES OF THE DAY"... THE POOR PEOPEL...

SO.., With that...:


My name is Brian Luther Hoffmann .. I am an American...., My bloodline is German/IRsh/French/ Indian...

In Germany in the middle ages.. My ancestors were Farm Managers.. Thus.. Hoff- meaning Farm.. THus: MANN.. meaning, Manager.. THEY GREW BEER.. Thats what they did.....

I am An AMerican....

I live in a small village in the north western area of old indian country... In Washington State.. US... Many bloody indian battles were fought on this very soil.. That I am living upon...

Many brave men died here some 150 years ago.. to see who would stay or who would Go... There is a lot of folklore in these parts about the Indians...

My village in indian means " Many Waters"...



I cannot consistently work or lie like other people... I am on an indefinite work and lie leave... I have an anxiety disorder thats being treated right now.....



" THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH"......

I am on an indefinite disability for Dissociative Disorder/CPTSD .., At its worst form.. It is much like Schizophrenia... This condition has side effects.. can also cause severe Agoraphobia and Clinical Deppresion... And Horribly disabling high levels of anxiety.....

I was diagnosed as 100% discociative... Such high levels of CPTSD is a horrible nightmare....., yet.. things are better now... and slowly getting better...

Agoraphobic people are not all locked in their rooms or houses all day.. That is in the movies.. I go outside.. I ride my bike.. I go to the store.. Its just a very limiting existence.. and I have to get to a safe place to hide after a certain amount of time... I cant stay outside....


" THE TRUTH IS GOOD ENOUGH"......

The fact is .. THis is the facts.... Im not alone.. IM STILL ALIVE... Many more are not.. and many more will not be... from the same form or torture that I have been through...

THis is a daily experience for me...

There are times I completely dissociate from reality.. and have no idea what happened... This can bring me to my knees.. I hold my head in my arms and cry.. Praying that it all will be over, and that it will go away.. It doesn't.. It never goes away... .. It brings me to my knees.. .Turns the inside of me to water... I melt with no strength...

I am still alive, I am still breathing..
I am on my knees 15 times a day talking to God... It keeps me alive... ITs that simple...

I turn to God for all of my decisions.. all of them.. I am more with him then with you... all day long...

IF I DONT HAVE GOD.. I WILL DIE....
-------------------

Dealing with people is a very difficult thing.. I dont always trust them.. and my defenses take over.. and I dont allow people to get close. therefore, things can get very lonely...

I am misjudged by the masses on a daily basis.. It can get quit frustrating and delusional at times....

( THIS IS GETTING BETTER)... As I get BETTER)..!!

Most people in my condition do not live into their twenties.. They take their lives long before that.. MOST of them...



and for good reason.. Relief.. and sadness and defeat.. A broken heart.. a broken mind... and to be cast into the well.. never to be seen again.. TO be thrown away as a person from all consciousness of community....

Im saying all of this because this is the way of life for a person like myself.. Its not about feelings.. Its about facts.. Nothing more.. Just statistics.. Not emotional; content....

This is just the way it is for an American like myself in this life.. For better or worse.. Excepting it all... Does not change any of the facts... NOt excepting any of it.. Does not change any of the facts... Nothing changes... Reality dictates..


Let me say tho from another angle.. " excepting everything Does change everything".. In fact it is this simple concept that brings one right back to reality...


I am alive.... I am breathing... This is a miracle... ITS BETTER TO BE A LIVE MUSICIAN THEN A DEAD RAT...... " SOME HOW THAT SOUNDS FUNNY".....

I am not Crazy.. AFter so many years of meds.. Im not on any , anymore, THANK-GOD, and all the 12 step groups, and therapies.. Shrinks, of all sorts..

IVe come out spiritually more advanced then allot of people.. Meaning, other people lean on me for help when their lost.. " GO FIGURE"

Because Of my relationship with God.. and the lack of resentments in my life at this time.. I am able to do many things I could not do before..

1. I am exceptionally good at saving money...

I live on a frugal personal economy.. However, with Gods help... He has shown me how to save for everything.. and I can go for months waiting for things that others cant seem to wait 10 minutes for.. What this does, is quadruples my spending power for the same dream product...... I usually end up getting what I was dreaming of.... IT needs to be under a Grand though.... and that is great... considering my economic humility..

I use many different resources for help , when saving money.



2. I have learned to wave at people and smile.. This puts others at ease.. " cant get to close, or I shut down....

SO many people in pain and quiet desperation... I neutralize this condition by letting everyone know, they will not be getting any pain from me today...

Ive learned this as a mountain biker.. As I have had to learn to negotiate drivers with road rage , inorder to survive on the city streets In America...

Everyday I am grateful that I am breathing.. My old life died many years ago.. and I now have a new one...
3. I look up at the sky all the time.. Not down at the concrete... WHy..!! Simply.. I have been trained by amateur astronomy to look at at the stars all the time.. Now I do it automatically.. .

and like a child just coming out of an egg.. I am learning how to walk all over again... It is very strange.. and very sad at times...



I am damaged now.. Im still alive.. and I will go forward,


----------------------------------------------------------
I mountain bike everywhere..
I am an amateur astronomer
I like to swim/and go to the mountains
I am a computer based artist...
---------------------------------------------------------

It was not people that found me in that Well.. They had no time... to-intrenched in their greed, and lies., and insecurities.., their sadness and insanity...

Their was no time for me..

IT was Jesus who found me Dying and gave me water... It was he that held me up.. When I was to weak to walk.. It was he that told me not to listen to their words of death anymore... But to listen to his words of life.. That I may come fourth from the grave.... It was he that told me that in Gods kingdom, people like me were liked and understood ... Not like is world.. Where I was hated and crucified......... It was God that told me that everything would be OK....

IT was he that came down into the inner darkness.. The quiet death room of the well.... The black fortress and got me out...

IT was he who lifted me out.. NO other...

Just him... ALl others left me to perish..

and so it is , the true way of things.... and so it is....





My life has been brutally destroyed several times... I have fought many times in the arena.. Only , finally, to Let go to the ways of death..

Yet as I look back at a brutal, fractured life, and the horrible sadness of it all... I will not be going anywhere soon...

And that is a bloody miracle... especially in this sociopathic cannibalistic society... AMERICA..( THE SOCIETY OF HUMAN GENOCIDE).....



I have been lucky... Luck was on my side..

I was found ..!!

And for 12 years Ive been doing recovery work for my condition...

My relationship with God.. Is real and Solid... I pray on my knees all the time over everything.. over all kinds of decisions, or just to humble myself before God and reach up and talk with him.. He is my father....

ITs not easy.. ITs humiliating.. Im always in front of God..!!!
( Yet better to be On my knees then have no knees..)..!!

....'It is hard dealing with people... " where do you work " they will say.. " What do you do all day" They will say... " you seem to be able to talk to us" " What kind of problem do you have..?...."...

It gets very awkward....

------------------------------------------------------------


I have a four year degree and several extra years of University exploration...

I studied music performance, and composition/art/Business..


I am dyslexic... I always here complaints about my spelling... " How can you be so smart and spell this way"...

If only they could see what it looks like before the spell checker.. LOL..


After 10 years.. I am coming to an acceptance of my condition... I cant work at a regular job..., I dont know if this will ever change.. It doesn't mean Im not active.. theirs volunteer stuff at my church and other stuff that I do... SO Im learning again how to become active... ... but it does not mean I cant work at somethings...


I like to look through my telescope....


I am much more willing to live again.. and except my condition and my life the way it is.. and get on with things....

I see therapists.. and groups and other things... and church....

Im not afraid anymore like I use to be....

and I have down times that leave me bewildered and lost.. In these situations I just stay in my room.. IT is very difficult to write music or be creative during these times...


I have worked the steps of 12 step groups , many times... on paper... I have a Sponsor....


And I have come to this conclusion:

After seeing the hopeless condition of most.. and the quiet desperation of the general populous.. in this society.. " MY LIFE IS NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL".....

REALLY..!!

I have learned to appreciate the opportunities that pass my way.. Ive been able to appreciate friendship.. I have been able to appreciate the wonder of a lake and a forest path....

You will see me at my telescope almost every-night.. If I would just quit breaking them.. I have more then one.... LOL..




So here I am at icomps... rehabilitating myself and my Art interests.. and its working...

I plan to play live in a couple of years.. and in about 6 months I will be taking drum lessens again.. to get my original chops back.. As well as my condition will allow... Yet,. I will test the waters... and learn to work around challenges if possible.. So.. With that...


Over N Out..

Thanks for listening

OMNICELL

Also... I DONT DO DRUGS/ OR BEER ANY MORE.. ( Old English 800d's, YOU HAVE TO GO..!!!)....... ) DAM..!!!

Favorites

Title Artist Genre Plays
04.Mother and Father (Army of Darkness) Broken_Soul Spoken Word 46
10 minutes to waste Lapskin Electronica 146
2nd sym. Dangers of new worlds 3rd movement k.11 Broken_Soul Classical 110
??? conorcorbett Electronica 451
A Battle For Sanity (Percussive Ambience) Jacob Ambient 278
A horizon of horsemen coming MishaThaler Other 504
A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square dirigent A Cappella 1337
Abide With Me mlpbadarak Inspirational 259
Afternight Narananda Classical 96
Another Day pharmakeus [+1] Rock 417
As far as I can "si" brainfreeze Latin 243
Bicycle Day (Dr. Hofmann's Wild Ride) OffspringOfMars Jazz 210
Blowing Off Steam (Big Funk Rock).... Soundhound Rock 341
Bluebird Cafe - standing up fingerpicking using 2 cameras for the YouTube video TheTiler Jazz 267
Boogey on down tedfire Rock 108
Brandenburg Concerto # 3, Mov't 1 - Allegro (J. S. Bach) soulima Classical 408
Brave New World FriendOfHAL Ambient 129
Champignon Bass2x Jazz 223
Clouds Behind The Sun OffspringOfMars Dance 102
Coventry Carol No. 4 UnderThePianoMan Holiday 226
Defying Gravity (Cover) ScubaScissors Pop 237
doodle 89 randolf Other 144
Doppler Effect for flute, cello and harp adriennealbert Classical 95
El Vals de la Bruja Boba (spanish language version) carlajpatterson [+1] Childrens 654
female randolf Other 494
Fire (Jimi Hendrix Experience Cover) Tony2008 Rock 275
Funky Vertigo brainfreeze Funk 214
Go To Find ft. Dead Giveaway (*Take II) DeadGiveaway Hip Hop/Rap 190
GO TO GATE conorcorbett Electronica 232
gospel_4_six BpOlar Ambient 545
Hoochie Coochie RedthruNthru [+1] Blues 516
I Gaze Upon You (and see the Wonders Within) Filmscorz Jazz 560
I Got It Bad (and it ain't good) ClayPotts Jazz 329
i kissed a girl [katy perry lipsynch vid] randolf Music Videos 371
I Like that You Kind of Like Me Naaji Jazz 455
I Wanna Be Han Solo TheBananaConvention Comedy 145
In These Shoes Vixen Other 682
It's Not My Job Naaji Dance 265
Just Be Honest! Naaji Alternative 363
King Conga [open collab] awannabepoet World 227
Konstantinople [Instrumental] randolf Other 440
Left Behind Ashland_Summer Metal 177
Lose Cannon PhD Hip Hop/Rap 135
LOVING YOU KCsGROOVE [+2] Funk 673
Lucky Land AMBRADUNA Other 243
Marching Snare Drumming Jacob Other 404
Mathcore beat 1000bpm Other 142
Men dirigent A Cappella 1352
Modern warfare Lapskin Electronica 104
MOSS (Life in stream) Filmscorz Jazz 226
View All Favorites
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