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Collaborations
| Title | Genre | Released | Plays |
| ATMOSPHERIC PULSES OF LIGHT, op.4 (v.2.0) | Ambient | Aug 1, 2007 | 635 |
| Concept Concert 2# | Electronica | Nov 18, 2007 | 621 |
| Smashing Planets (DJP's Version) | Jazz | Jul 30, 2007 | 500 |
| Strollin' with Lola (Collab) | Blues | Jun 15, 2008 | 433 |
Blog
| Silent changes | March 11, 2010 |
In the autumn the leaves float down to a peaceful landing...
Comments (3) | Read more »
| GG ALLEN | February 16, 2010 |
Punk Rocker that pushed it passed the edge.. Was he more important then one wants to admit..
Comments (4) | Read more »
| TIme again to write on being an artist.... | February 9, 2010 |
The developmental...
Comments (11) | Read more »
| Feelings | February 3, 2010 |
Feelings
Comments (5) | Read more »
| THe Ted Bundy Chronicles.. Terminated..!!! | January 30, 2010 |
Did not work out... I could not find a suitable medium within the subject matter to work with...
Comments (1) | Read more »
Biography
First... IM LEARNING HOW TO BE AN ARTIST... THAT IS WHAT IM DOING HERE.....
Ive had some tell me.. Why dont you play or create brilliantly... THE ANSWER:
I dont want to.. I am to busy for that.. Their are times I just want to explore.. That is more important.. When I have stopped learning.. When all I can do Is think of the past..., In those times.. I will interpret to the people in a favorable manner... AM I COFFIN ... JUST SITTING IN A MAUSOLEUM TO BE LOOKED AT AND OPENED AT SOMEONE ELSES WHIM.. " I THINK NOT".. DOES A LIVE ANIMAL SPEND ITS TIME INCASED IN THE FROZEN... I THINK NOT... DO EXPLORES LIVE IN KINGS HOUSES... " NO" THEY ARE TO BUSY EXPLORING.. SOMETIMES... ONCE IN A BLUE MOON... THIER IS A TIME AND CALL FOR REPARATIONS OF HISTORICAL FINDINGS>> AND SUCH TIMES NEED TO BE DONE IN A POLITICAL FLASH... TO DASAL... TO BRING THE WIZARDRY TO THE FOREFRONT...!!
IN AN OLD GERMAN MYTH-, ( ONE I JUST MADE UP)...!!
SOMETIMES EVEN THE OLD WIZARD HAD TO EAT.. SO HE HAD TO LOOK FOR FOOD.... HE HAD NO TIME TO " ENTERTAIN THE FANTASIES OF OTHERS WONDERMENT"
(Ok.. Enough of the artistic narcissistic arrogance)
(Back to the real world please... Back down to the ground)
------------------------------
AND WITH THAT.........
Im learning how to go outside again on my bicycle...... That is the next thing Im learning....
How to reach forward.. Not backward .
( To LEARN HOW OT LIVE)..........
-------------------------------------------------------------
The rest of what I write is for myself and for you... IT is the beginning of understandings.. of the narrative of my life...
... with the hopes that it might help others who know of people in trouble... and theirs plenty of people in trouble and quiet desperation... A whole world full.. a whole whirl pool full.....
The general public is " JUST NOT INFORMED ON THE REALITIES OF THE DAY"... THE POOR PEOPEL...
SO.., With that...:
My name is Brian Luther Hoffmann .. I am an American...., My bloodline is German/IRsh/French/ Indian...
In Germany in the middle ages.. My ancestors were Farm Managers.. Thus.. Hoff- meaning Farm.. THus: MANN.. meaning, Manager.. THEY GREW BEER.. Thats what they did.....
I am An AMerican....
I live in a small village in the north western area of old indian country... In Washington State.. US... Many bloody indian battles were fought on this very soil.. That I am living upon...
Many brave men died here some 150 years ago.. to see who would stay or who would Go... There is a lot of folklore in these parts about the Indians...
My village in indian means " Many Waters"...
I cannot consistently work or lie like other people... I am on an indefinite work and lie leave... I have an anxiety disorder thats being treated right now.....
" THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH"......
I am on an indefinite disability for Dissociative Disorder/CPTSD .., At its worst form.. It is much like Schizophrenia... This condition has side effects.. can also cause severe Agoraphobia and Clinical Deppresion... And Horribly disabling high levels of anxiety.....
I was diagnosed as 100% discociative... Such high levels of CPTSD is a horrible nightmare....., yet.. things are better now... and slowly getting better...
Agoraphobic people are not all locked in their rooms or houses all day.. That is in the movies.. I go outside.. I ride my bike.. I go to the store.. Its just a very limiting existence.. and I have to get to a safe place to hide after a certain amount of time... I cant stay outside....
" THE TRUTH IS GOOD ENOUGH"......
The fact is .. THis is the facts.... Im not alone.. IM STILL ALIVE... Many more are not.. and many more will not be... from the same form or torture that I have been through...
THis is a daily experience for me...
There are times I completely dissociate from reality.. and have no idea what happened... This can bring me to my knees.. I hold my head in my arms and cry.. Praying that it all will be over, and that it will go away.. It doesn't.. It never goes away... .. It brings me to my knees.. .Turns the inside of me to water... I melt with no strength...
I am still alive, I am still breathing..
I am on my knees 15 times a day talking to God... It keeps me alive... ITs that simple...
I turn to God for all of my decisions.. all of them.. I am more with him then with you... all day long...
IF I DONT HAVE GOD.. I WILL DIE....
-------------------
Dealing with people is a very difficult thing.. I dont always trust them.. and my defenses take over.. and I dont allow people to get close. therefore, things can get very lonely...
I am misjudged by the masses on a daily basis.. It can get quit frustrating and delusional at times....
( THIS IS GETTING BETTER)... As I get BETTER)..!!
Most people in my condition do not live into their twenties.. They take their lives long before that.. MOST of them...
and for good reason.. Relief.. and sadness and defeat.. A broken heart.. a broken mind... and to be cast into the well.. never to be seen again.. TO be thrown away as a person from all consciousness of community....
Im saying all of this because this is the way of life for a person like myself.. Its not about feelings.. Its about facts.. Nothing more.. Just statistics.. Not emotional; content....
This is just the way it is for an American like myself in this life.. For better or worse.. Excepting it all... Does not change any of the facts... NOt excepting any of it.. Does not change any of the facts... Nothing changes... Reality dictates..
Let me say tho from another angle.. " excepting everything Does change everything".. In fact it is this simple concept that brings one right back to reality...
I am alive.... I am breathing... This is a miracle... ITS BETTER TO BE A LIVE MUSICIAN THEN A DEAD RAT...... " SOME HOW THAT SOUNDS FUNNY".....
I am not Crazy.. AFter so many years of meds.. Im not on any , anymore, THANK-GOD, and all the 12 step groups, and therapies.. Shrinks, of all sorts..
IVe come out spiritually more advanced then allot of people.. Meaning, other people lean on me for help when their lost.. " GO FIGURE"
Because Of my relationship with God.. and the lack of resentments in my life at this time.. I am able to do many things I could not do before..
1. I am exceptionally good at saving money...
I live on a frugal personal economy.. However, with Gods help... He has shown me how to save for everything.. and I can go for months waiting for things that others cant seem to wait 10 minutes for.. What this does, is quadruples my spending power for the same dream product...... I usually end up getting what I was dreaming of.... IT needs to be under a Grand though.... and that is great... considering my economic humility..
I use many different resources for help , when saving money.
2. I have learned to wave at people and smile.. This puts others at ease.. " cant get to close, or I shut down....
SO many people in pain and quiet desperation... I neutralize this condition by letting everyone know, they will not be getting any pain from me today...
Ive learned this as a mountain biker.. As I have had to learn to negotiate drivers with road rage , inorder to survive on the city streets In America...
Everyday I am grateful that I am breathing.. My old life died many years ago.. and I now have a new one...
3. I look up at the sky all the time.. Not down at the concrete... WHy..!! Simply.. I have been trained by amateur astronomy to look at at the stars all the time.. Now I do it automatically.. .
and like a child just coming out of an egg.. I am learning how to walk all over again... It is very strange.. and very sad at times...
I am damaged now.. Im still alive.. and I will go forward,
----------------------------------------------------------
I mountain bike everywhere..
I am an amateur astronomer
I like to swim/and go to the mountains
I am a computer based artist...
---------------------------------------------------------
It was not people that found me in that Well.. They had no time... to-intrenched in their greed, and lies., and insecurities.., their sadness and insanity...
Their was no time for me..
IT was Jesus who found me Dying and gave me water... It was he that held me up.. When I was to weak to walk.. It was he that told me not to listen to their words of death anymore... But to listen to his words of life.. That I may come fourth from the grave.... It was he that told me that in Gods kingdom, people like me were liked and understood ... Not like is world.. Where I was hated and crucified......... It was God that told me that everything would be OK....
IT was he that came down into the inner darkness.. The quiet death room of the well.... The black fortress and got me out...
IT was he who lifted me out.. NO other...
Just him... ALl others left me to perish..
and so it is , the true way of things.... and so it is....
My life has been brutally destroyed several times... I have fought many times in the arena.. Only , finally, to Let go to the ways of death..
Yet as I look back at a brutal, fractured life, and the horrible sadness of it all... I will not be going anywhere soon...
And that is a bloody miracle... especially in this sociopathic cannibalistic society... AMERICA..( THE SOCIETY OF HUMAN GENOCIDE).....
I have been lucky... Luck was on my side..
I was found ..!!
And for 12 years Ive been doing recovery work for my condition...
My relationship with God.. Is real and Solid... I pray on my knees all the time over everything.. over all kinds of decisions, or just to humble myself before God and reach up and talk with him.. He is my father....
ITs not easy.. ITs humiliating.. Im always in front of God..!!!
( Yet better to be On my knees then have no knees..)..!!
....'It is hard dealing with people... " where do you work " they will say.. " What do you do all day" They will say... " you seem to be able to talk to us" " What kind of problem do you have..?...."...
It gets very awkward....
------------------------------------------------------------
I have a four year degree and several extra years of University exploration...
I studied music performance, and composition/art/Business..
I am dyslexic... I always here complaints about my spelling... " How can you be so smart and spell this way"...
If only they could see what it looks like before the spell checker.. LOL..
After 10 years.. I am coming to an acceptance of my condition... I cant work at a regular job..., I dont know if this will ever change.. It doesn't mean Im not active.. theirs volunteer stuff at my church and other stuff that I do... SO Im learning again how to become active... ... but it does not mean I cant work at somethings...
I like to look through my telescope....
I am much more willing to live again.. and except my condition and my life the way it is.. and get on with things....
I see therapists.. and groups and other things... and church....
Im not afraid anymore like I use to be....
and I have down times that leave me bewildered and lost.. In these situations I just stay in my room.. IT is very difficult to write music or be creative during these times...
I have worked the steps of 12 step groups , many times... on paper... I have a Sponsor....
And I have come to this conclusion:
After seeing the hopeless condition of most.. and the quiet desperation of the general populous.. in this society.. " MY LIFE IS NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL".....
REALLY..!!
I have learned to appreciate the opportunities that pass my way.. Ive been able to appreciate friendship.. I have been able to appreciate the wonder of a lake and a forest path....
You will see me at my telescope almost every-night.. If I would just quit breaking them.. I have more then one.... LOL..
So here I am at icomps... rehabilitating myself and my Art interests.. and its working...
I plan to play live in a couple of years.. and in about 6 months I will be taking drum lessens again.. to get my original chops back.. As well as my condition will allow... Yet,. I will test the waters... and learn to work around challenges if possible.. So.. With that...
Over N Out..
Thanks for listening
OMNICELL
Also... I DONT DO DRUGS/ OR BEER ANY MORE.. ( Old English 800d's, YOU HAVE TO GO..!!!)....... ) DAM..!!!
Ive had some tell me.. Why dont you play or create brilliantly... THE ANSWER:
I dont want to.. I am to busy for that.. Their are times I just want to explore.. That is more important.. When I have stopped learning.. When all I can do Is think of the past..., In those times.. I will interpret to the people in a favorable manner... AM I COFFIN ... JUST SITTING IN A MAUSOLEUM TO BE LOOKED AT AND OPENED AT SOMEONE ELSES WHIM.. " I THINK NOT".. DOES A LIVE ANIMAL SPEND ITS TIME INCASED IN THE FROZEN... I THINK NOT... DO EXPLORES LIVE IN KINGS HOUSES... " NO" THEY ARE TO BUSY EXPLORING.. SOMETIMES... ONCE IN A BLUE MOON... THIER IS A TIME AND CALL FOR REPARATIONS OF HISTORICAL FINDINGS>> AND SUCH TIMES NEED TO BE DONE IN A POLITICAL FLASH... TO DASAL... TO BRING THE WIZARDRY TO THE FOREFRONT...!!
IN AN OLD GERMAN MYTH-, ( ONE I JUST MADE UP)...!!
SOMETIMES EVEN THE OLD WIZARD HAD TO EAT.. SO HE HAD TO LOOK FOR FOOD.... HE HAD NO TIME TO " ENTERTAIN THE FANTASIES OF OTHERS WONDERMENT"
(Ok.. Enough of the artistic narcissistic arrogance)
(Back to the real world please... Back down to the ground)
------------------------------
AND WITH THAT.........
Im learning how to go outside again on my bicycle...... That is the next thing Im learning....
How to reach forward.. Not backward .
( To LEARN HOW OT LIVE)..........
-------------------------------------------------------------
The rest of what I write is for myself and for you... IT is the beginning of understandings.. of the narrative of my life...
... with the hopes that it might help others who know of people in trouble... and theirs plenty of people in trouble and quiet desperation... A whole world full.. a whole whirl pool full.....
The general public is " JUST NOT INFORMED ON THE REALITIES OF THE DAY"... THE POOR PEOPEL...
SO.., With that...:
My name is Brian Luther Hoffmann .. I am an American...., My bloodline is German/IRsh/French/ Indian...
In Germany in the middle ages.. My ancestors were Farm Managers.. Thus.. Hoff- meaning Farm.. THus: MANN.. meaning, Manager.. THEY GREW BEER.. Thats what they did.....
I am An AMerican....
I live in a small village in the north western area of old indian country... In Washington State.. US... Many bloody indian battles were fought on this very soil.. That I am living upon...
Many brave men died here some 150 years ago.. to see who would stay or who would Go... There is a lot of folklore in these parts about the Indians...
My village in indian means " Many Waters"...
I cannot consistently work or lie like other people... I am on an indefinite work and lie leave... I have an anxiety disorder thats being treated right now.....
" THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH"......
I am on an indefinite disability for Dissociative Disorder/CPTSD .., At its worst form.. It is much like Schizophrenia... This condition has side effects.. can also cause severe Agoraphobia and Clinical Deppresion... And Horribly disabling high levels of anxiety.....
I was diagnosed as 100% discociative... Such high levels of CPTSD is a horrible nightmare....., yet.. things are better now... and slowly getting better...
Agoraphobic people are not all locked in their rooms or houses all day.. That is in the movies.. I go outside.. I ride my bike.. I go to the store.. Its just a very limiting existence.. and I have to get to a safe place to hide after a certain amount of time... I cant stay outside....
" THE TRUTH IS GOOD ENOUGH"......
The fact is .. THis is the facts.... Im not alone.. IM STILL ALIVE... Many more are not.. and many more will not be... from the same form or torture that I have been through...
THis is a daily experience for me...
There are times I completely dissociate from reality.. and have no idea what happened... This can bring me to my knees.. I hold my head in my arms and cry.. Praying that it all will be over, and that it will go away.. It doesn't.. It never goes away... .. It brings me to my knees.. .Turns the inside of me to water... I melt with no strength...
I am still alive, I am still breathing..
I am on my knees 15 times a day talking to God... It keeps me alive... ITs that simple...
I turn to God for all of my decisions.. all of them.. I am more with him then with you... all day long...
IF I DONT HAVE GOD.. I WILL DIE....
-------------------
Dealing with people is a very difficult thing.. I dont always trust them.. and my defenses take over.. and I dont allow people to get close. therefore, things can get very lonely...
I am misjudged by the masses on a daily basis.. It can get quit frustrating and delusional at times....
( THIS IS GETTING BETTER)... As I get BETTER)..!!
Most people in my condition do not live into their twenties.. They take their lives long before that.. MOST of them...
and for good reason.. Relief.. and sadness and defeat.. A broken heart.. a broken mind... and to be cast into the well.. never to be seen again.. TO be thrown away as a person from all consciousness of community....
Im saying all of this because this is the way of life for a person like myself.. Its not about feelings.. Its about facts.. Nothing more.. Just statistics.. Not emotional; content....
This is just the way it is for an American like myself in this life.. For better or worse.. Excepting it all... Does not change any of the facts... NOt excepting any of it.. Does not change any of the facts... Nothing changes... Reality dictates..
Let me say tho from another angle.. " excepting everything Does change everything".. In fact it is this simple concept that brings one right back to reality...
I am alive.... I am breathing... This is a miracle... ITS BETTER TO BE A LIVE MUSICIAN THEN A DEAD RAT...... " SOME HOW THAT SOUNDS FUNNY".....
I am not Crazy.. AFter so many years of meds.. Im not on any , anymore, THANK-GOD, and all the 12 step groups, and therapies.. Shrinks, of all sorts..
IVe come out spiritually more advanced then allot of people.. Meaning, other people lean on me for help when their lost.. " GO FIGURE"
Because Of my relationship with God.. and the lack of resentments in my life at this time.. I am able to do many things I could not do before..
1. I am exceptionally good at saving money...
I live on a frugal personal economy.. However, with Gods help... He has shown me how to save for everything.. and I can go for months waiting for things that others cant seem to wait 10 minutes for.. What this does, is quadruples my spending power for the same dream product...... I usually end up getting what I was dreaming of.... IT needs to be under a Grand though.... and that is great... considering my economic humility..
I use many different resources for help , when saving money.
2. I have learned to wave at people and smile.. This puts others at ease.. " cant get to close, or I shut down....
SO many people in pain and quiet desperation... I neutralize this condition by letting everyone know, they will not be getting any pain from me today...
Ive learned this as a mountain biker.. As I have had to learn to negotiate drivers with road rage , inorder to survive on the city streets In America...
Everyday I am grateful that I am breathing.. My old life died many years ago.. and I now have a new one...
3. I look up at the sky all the time.. Not down at the concrete... WHy..!! Simply.. I have been trained by amateur astronomy to look at at the stars all the time.. Now I do it automatically.. .
and like a child just coming out of an egg.. I am learning how to walk all over again... It is very strange.. and very sad at times...
I am damaged now.. Im still alive.. and I will go forward,
----------------------------------------------------------
I mountain bike everywhere..
I am an amateur astronomer
I like to swim/and go to the mountains
I am a computer based artist...
---------------------------------------------------------
It was not people that found me in that Well.. They had no time... to-intrenched in their greed, and lies., and insecurities.., their sadness and insanity...
Their was no time for me..
IT was Jesus who found me Dying and gave me water... It was he that held me up.. When I was to weak to walk.. It was he that told me not to listen to their words of death anymore... But to listen to his words of life.. That I may come fourth from the grave.... It was he that told me that in Gods kingdom, people like me were liked and understood ... Not like is world.. Where I was hated and crucified......... It was God that told me that everything would be OK....
IT was he that came down into the inner darkness.. The quiet death room of the well.... The black fortress and got me out...
IT was he who lifted me out.. NO other...
Just him... ALl others left me to perish..
and so it is , the true way of things.... and so it is....
My life has been brutally destroyed several times... I have fought many times in the arena.. Only , finally, to Let go to the ways of death..
Yet as I look back at a brutal, fractured life, and the horrible sadness of it all... I will not be going anywhere soon...
And that is a bloody miracle... especially in this sociopathic cannibalistic society... AMERICA..( THE SOCIETY OF HUMAN GENOCIDE).....
I have been lucky... Luck was on my side..
I was found ..!!
And for 12 years Ive been doing recovery work for my condition...
My relationship with God.. Is real and Solid... I pray on my knees all the time over everything.. over all kinds of decisions, or just to humble myself before God and reach up and talk with him.. He is my father....
ITs not easy.. ITs humiliating.. Im always in front of God..!!!
( Yet better to be On my knees then have no knees..)..!!
....'It is hard dealing with people... " where do you work " they will say.. " What do you do all day" They will say... " you seem to be able to talk to us" " What kind of problem do you have..?...."...
It gets very awkward....
------------------------------------------------------------
I have a four year degree and several extra years of University exploration...
I studied music performance, and composition/art/Business..
I am dyslexic... I always here complaints about my spelling... " How can you be so smart and spell this way"...
If only they could see what it looks like before the spell checker.. LOL..
After 10 years.. I am coming to an acceptance of my condition... I cant work at a regular job..., I dont know if this will ever change.. It doesn't mean Im not active.. theirs volunteer stuff at my church and other stuff that I do... SO Im learning again how to become active... ... but it does not mean I cant work at somethings...
I like to look through my telescope....
I am much more willing to live again.. and except my condition and my life the way it is.. and get on with things....
I see therapists.. and groups and other things... and church....
Im not afraid anymore like I use to be....
and I have down times that leave me bewildered and lost.. In these situations I just stay in my room.. IT is very difficult to write music or be creative during these times...
I have worked the steps of 12 step groups , many times... on paper... I have a Sponsor....
And I have come to this conclusion:
After seeing the hopeless condition of most.. and the quiet desperation of the general populous.. in this society.. " MY LIFE IS NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL".....
REALLY..!!
I have learned to appreciate the opportunities that pass my way.. Ive been able to appreciate friendship.. I have been able to appreciate the wonder of a lake and a forest path....
You will see me at my telescope almost every-night.. If I would just quit breaking them.. I have more then one.... LOL..
So here I am at icomps... rehabilitating myself and my Art interests.. and its working...
I plan to play live in a couple of years.. and in about 6 months I will be taking drum lessens again.. to get my original chops back.. As well as my condition will allow... Yet,. I will test the waters... and learn to work around challenges if possible.. So.. With that...
Over N Out..
Thanks for listening
OMNICELL
Also... I DONT DO DRUGS/ OR BEER ANY MORE.. ( Old English 800d's, YOU HAVE TO GO..!!!)....... ) DAM..!!!
